7 ways to support a loved one with mental illness

When a loved one is struggling, do you know what to say?

02 June 2024 9 minute read

We’ve all had days when we’re feeling down, but when a loved one is struggling with mental illness, would you know what to say?

With 22% of Australians, opens in a new tab aged 16-85 experiencing mental illness in the last year, we’re all likely to be affected or know someone who’s affected. If a loved one is struggling with their mental health, the most important thing to remember is that you need to take their condition seriously – this isn’t the time to embrace the ‘she’ll be right’ attitude. Having a support network is essential during this time is essential.

So, how do you start the conversation and how can you help?

We spoke to some experts from around Australia to find out a few different ways you can support a loved one experiencing mental illness.

1. Listen

Youth mental health organisation batyr, opens in a new tab reminds us that we don’t need to fix anything by listening. It’s all about giving the person the space to share. And if you don’t quite understand what they’re going through, that’s ok too. Our job isn’t to judge; it’s about listening to show our support.

Here’s a collective benefit to listening to one another’s experiences, as reported by community members from batyr’s OurHerd app, opens in a new tab. The app pairs informal support via peer stories with formal support via service providers, which can be directly accessed via the Life ring icon. Users say, “I feel empowered listening to other people’s stories,” and “every story is unique and important to share so that people can support each other and break down the stigma associated with seeking help.”

Learning to really listen can be a skill that is hard to master. You can practice and develop your active listening skills with this free active listening tool from Clearhead, opens in a new tab. Hearing someone else’s story can support your own mental health literacy by understanding more diverse experiences and breaking down stigma.

2. Encourage them to get professional support

It’s important to encourage your loved one to seek professional help, not only to help them with treatment options but also to help manage any symptoms.

Normalising the pathways to get support can make a huge difference to help-seeking. Encourage your loved one to see their GP. GPs are a great place to start as they’re often the gateway to a range of different support pathways.

Navigating the journey to find the right therapist can feel overwhelming. Clearhead offers a free tool, opens in a new tab to simplify this process, helping you find the best support and easing the stress of your search.

3. Help with appointments

Clinical psychologist at the Black Dog Institute, opens in a new tab, Dr Aliza Werner-Seidler, explains that a good way to initiate help with a close friend or relative is by offering to make their appointments for them.

“Making the first move to book in an appointment can be daunting, so many people might benefit from having the support of a loved one to help them through it.”

Offering to drive or accompany them on the appointment day can help with any last-minute nerves and can also deter them from cancelling.

4. Change your behaviour

When times get tough, it’s important to remember that your loved one may not be functioning as they usually do. They might need more patience and care than ever before.

“Someone experiencing a mental health condition is very good at criticising themselves and needs vital support from others, not criticism. Clear and kind communication within the household or family is also important,” says Aliza.

"We all want to try and help people feel better, but sometimes the last thing people need to hear when they're feeling down is to look on the bright side. Instead, try and just be there for them. Don't try and fix it, just listen, support and let them know you care."

5. Embrace the treatment process

Aliza encourages everyone to try and help with the treatment process. “If medication has been prescribed, help your loved one remember to take it and to discuss any side effects with their prescribing doctor. Your loved one may also need encouragement and help getting to therapy appointments or doing therapy exercises.”

"Some treatment options include counselling or psychotherapy which is designed to help the person change how they think and act," explains Aliza. "It’s important to understand that this process can impact relationships as the person tries to acknowledge and change past behaviours. While this process can be difficult for everyone involved, it’s a significant step in resolving your loved one’s difficulties, so it’s important to maintain your support and not to steer the person away from these issues."

“Treatment can help people start to re-engage with the good things in life and carers can have their needs met as well," says Aliza.

6. Check in

Don’t underestimate the power of simply creating a safe and validating space for someone who’s doing it tough to feel heard.

”I found it quite difficult to tell my story, but I want to say empowering as well, because I could," reports an OurHerd user.

Don’t feel like you have to bring something deep and profound to every conversation you have with your loved one. Simply being there for someone you love can make all the difference. You are a shoulder to lean on, an ear to share with, and by no means does that imply you need to know what to say or have the solutions.

Once you've had that first conversation, make sure you continue to check in with the person to see how they're going. It's helpful knowing you're there for them to talk again when they are ready.

7. Look after yourself as well

“It’s very important for people who are supporting someone with a mental illness to look after themselves, both physically and emotionally. They need to stay well, not only for the person they’re supporting but also for themselves,” says Aliza.

“Part of caring is to care for yourself. Taking the time to care for yourself will help prevent you getting physically rundown and allow you to deal with the thoughts, emotions and stress that can be associated with caring for someone with a mental illness.”

You can find more information about supporting a loved one with a mental illness, including where to go for help, on the Black Dog Institute website, opens in a new tab. If you or someone you know needs immediate help, please call:

Lifeline 13 11 14
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

All of the charities mentioned throughout this article are supported by nib foundation. We've committed over $31 million in funding to support 191 charity partners to deliver innovative programs that tackle important health issues. Learn more about nib foundation, opens in a new tab.